Joke of the day

Two pot brownies are baking in the oven.

The first pot brownie says to the second pot brownie, "Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?"

The second pot brownie is shocked and exclaimed, "What the...am I stoned??? Or did I just hear a talking brownie?!"

What sort of dice has its opinions formed by preconceived notions?

A prejudice

there was a man found on a deserted island. he said praise the lord - i'm rescued they said go get the others and we will take you back to land. he said i'm here all alone and have been for the last 12 years. they asked why there were 3 huts then. he said that 1st one there is my house. and the 2nd one is my church. ok they said but what is the 3rd one? he said oh - that's where i used to go to church

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, they named a drink after you!”

“Really?” replies the grasshopper. “There’s a drink named Stan?”

Haha.

Why do they put barcodes on Swedish ships?

...because they have to Scandinavian.

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

back about 20 years ago, an old gentleman went down to the lobby and then to the bar. a few minutes later, an attractive young lady came in and sat down near him. she noticed his ww2 cap and said thank you for your service, let me buy you a drink. he accepted and then she asked if there was ANYTHING else she could do for him. he said no thank you and then she asked "when is the last time you had sex old timer?" he was a little embarrassed but answered 1950. she said oh my, let's go up to my room and we will take care of that. he reluctantly followed her and when they were finished she said wow, that was great. i'm surprised you remembered all that. he looked at his watch and said it really shouldn't be a surprise since it is only 22:30 now.

So this Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Hey. Why the long face?"

A priest, a pastor and a rabbi walk into a bar and soon begin arguing over who’s the best at what they do.

Eventually they decide that in order to prove who’s the best, they would all go out alone into the woods and convert a bear to their respective religion.

A few weeks later.. they meet up at the bar and the priest announces, "I found a bear by the river and started talking to him about the Lord. He liked it so much that he now comes to mass every week."

The pastor says, "Well, I saw a bear in the clearing. I started reading him the bible and he loved it so much that he is now going to be baptized in about a week."

The priest and the pastor turn to look at the rabbi, who now has a broken arm, a fractured collarbone and several cuts and bruises. The rabbi says, "You know what, looking back.. maybe I shouldn't have started with a circumcision..."

LoL all,
especially the last one!

the first mate came to the captain of a pirate ship and told him there was an enemy ship approaching fast. the captain told him to go get his red shirt for him. - the battle was fierce but the pirate ship prevailed. the mate then asked the captain why he wanted to wear his red shirt. he said that in case he got injured the men would not notice the blood and wound continue to be encouraged.
the next day the mate came to the captain and said there were 10 enemy ships approaching . the captain told him = go to my quarters and bring me my brown pants.

A guy and a girl go on a date, and the guy has just walked the girl back to her apartment to say good-bye.
Girl: "Would you like to come in for a coffee?"
Guy: "There is a problem – I don’t drink coffee."
Girl: "No problem – I don’t have any..."

"I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV:
'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!'
She was watching our wedding video again."

Was that real life or a joke?

How does a tree use the internet?

It logs on.