Joke of the day

i can tell whether a person is judgmental just by looking at them.

That's something that one can reflect on.

after dumping a bucket of corn on the ground, i put up this sign just to be safe

     WARNING
Baiting Deer is Illegal

This corn pile is intended
for squirrels, chipmunks, and
other such critters

Any Deer found
eating this corn
Will Be Shot

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know Y

I am lactose intolerant so I don't have jokes to share. Yeah just wining.

A family of moles awakens from hibernation.

The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says, “I smell tulips. It must be spring!”

Then, the mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says, “I smell cherry blossoms. It MUST be spring!”

The baby mole tries to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says, “All I smell is molasses.”

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
Hey, you can yodel!

Believe nothing and trust no one this April Fools’ Day.
......so it’s just like any other day

I no longer believe in science.

Take for instance, atoms.

They make up everything.

“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” 

“No sun.”

i do not have any eclipse glasses so i will just use my leftover 3-D theater glasses

Great idea, I heard that there is an online resource for everyone who suffers retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It really is a site for sore eyes.

i was sick last sunday and had to stay home but my wife called me and said she just saw a fox on her way to church. i responded "how do you know the fox was going to church?"

A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?”