Joke of the day

A live rooster vain on a barn roof lays a egg, what side of the roof will the egg role down? Note barn is facing west and there is a cold north wind.

“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house.” —Gene Perret

my friend Bubba is a really big, strong looking guy. he decided to get a dog. so he got a big Rottweiler. he took the little collar that came w the dog and threw it away and instead got a big leather collar w spikes on it and attached it to a log chain. he then decided to take his dog out for a walk to show him off. everybody was impressed and were murmuring about bubba and his mean looking dog. he then went into the coffee shop to brag a while after finding a metal light pole to chain his dog to. after bubba had been in there a little while a little bity frail old man came in and asked "who owns this dog out here"? bubba proudly said "i do, that's my dog". the old man said - well i don't know how to break this to you but i think my dog killed your dog. bubba said i don't think so sir - i don't think you could handle a dog that can could kill my dog. the old man said well i can't see to good any more and have trouble keeping my facts straight sometimes - but he sure looks dead to me and my dog done it. bubba said - let's just step outside and see about this. sure enough there laid his dog = dead, dead. bubba said mister - you must have one bad dog. looking around he asked "by the way, where is your dog anyway?" the old man said i don't know but i think he's stuck in his throat.

this year Christmas falls on a Monday. New Years day ALWAYS follows 7 days later and falls on the same day of the week. but in 2009, Christmas and New Years day did not fall on the same day of the week. Do you know why?

Because New Year’s Day in 2009 was in January, and Christmas in 2009 was almost 12 full months later in December.

A saddened cowboy walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The cowboy replies, "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."

The bartender looks shocked and says, "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."

The cowboy asks, "Well what would you do in my situation?"

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says, "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."

The cowboy jumps up from his stool and shouts, "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.

A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the cowboy walks back into the bar with a big smile on his face.

"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.

"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."

A piece of rope walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender points to a sign, "WE DO NOT SERVE ROPES HERE". The rope storms out, all pissed off. He gets so mad and bent out of shape, He frazzels up his hair in disgust. Then he walks back into the bar. The bartender said "aren't you that piece of rope?" The rope says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Camping Trip...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that there is a bigger and all powerful force and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you jerk. Someone has stolen our tent.

a city feller recently bought the farm next to me and came over to visit. he was so proud of himself. he said "i bought me a flock of cows yesterday" . i responded " it's a herd of cows, you know herd of cows". to which he said " of course I've heard of cows, i have a whole flock of them"

so this 83 year old man walks into a bar and has a seat at the counter, orders a drink, and turns to the lady seated next to him and says "hi there good looking, do I come here often?"

a dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "is this stool taken"

is buttcheeks all one word or should i spread them apart?

it's not that obesity runs in your family, it's that nobody runs in your family

Lol logman