A poem

[i]If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.[/i] [hr] Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it’s written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation’s OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won’t it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! [i][size=12px]English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité[/size][/i] [url=https://spelling.wordpress.com/2007/09/05/english-pronunciation/]Source[/url]

That is torture..

Tomato, tomato

Or in the new Ghost Busters film "Potato, Tomato" It is so true of the English language, there are no set-in-stone rules to pronunciation! Great poem, very clever!!

I've got one. There once was a man from Nantucket...

I made it past half way...but appreciated the wit and meter on the way to vexation ^^

Very very fun.

[quote=Matty][i]If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. [...] [/i] [hr] [spoiler=Nice poem]Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it’s written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation’s OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won’t it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! [i][size=12px]English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité[/size][/i] [url=https://spelling.wordpress.com/2007/09/05/english-pronunciation/]Source[/url][/spoiler][/quote] I do not want to hold the native English speakers for less than they are, but I guess that 90% number is actually too low :p Could easily be 99% and up. That said.... how does one check whether his/her pronounciation is correct/spot on? I'm not sure about all my pronunciations, if only just by the fact that I do not even know all words :D but it's a fun read for sure =) -Alex

I think the most difficult part of English is the HOMONYMS (several words that are spelled the same, but have different meanings). You can really mess with the mind of ESL speakers, with sentences of Homonyms and a few Homophones like this: Bear with me while I explain that a bear is always bare, but bear in mind if it could talk, it would always lie about why it likes to lie about during hibernation. --- It was a gross waste by paying a gross from the gross. --- He was placed in the pound with a 100 pound bail, because he decided to pound a man with a five pound bag of potatoes. --- I might be a mine of explosives-knowledge, but it's not mine to ever plant a mine. I own a mineral mine and only mine what's mine. --- The second search wave, spotted him because he managed to wave on the crest of a large wave. --- I know, he's murder. I once saw him murder a murder of crows. --- We've had a poll and the pole is in pole to plant the one pole pole in the north pole. (5 different meanings of pole) --- Don't trip out, but Gran broke her arm from a trip on the stairs during her trip when the trip switch tripped. --- [b]Feel free to create your own.[/b] There are 252 True Homonyms. See if you can think of at least 2 meanings for each and find which has the most meanings? [spoiler=252 Homonyms]address arm back bank bark base bat beam beams bear board bolt book bore bow box bustier cabinet can case cast cave chair change check chicken chip circular clear cleave close club command content cool cordial current crane dance dear deck down duck dust employ entrance even evening exact fair fall fat fathom fawn file fine fire firm fish flat fly fold foot forearm forearms former forte found founder frank fray fret frieze fritter frizz frizzle frog fry fudge funny furrier frog fuzz gab gad gaff gage gale gall gam gauntlet general gig gill gills gimp gin glass gloss glossy glower gob goose gore graft grand grave graves graze groom gross grouper grouse gull gum hack hail halt hatch haze heaven heel hide hind hinder hip hold hood horn host hot hue husky inferior insult iron jade jag jam jar jay jeer jerk jet jetty jib jumper junk journey just ken key kid kind know lap lark last lead leading leads learned left let letter light live long lower lowered lowering lowers lie lying lies line man match may mead mean mine mole murder nail object objective order park peddle pick pile pitcher play plaque point pole pound pot quarry read reign remote reticule right rock rocket rose routed routing row saw scale seal second seek serve set show shower sick sign sing sink sock sow space spring spruce square stalk stall stud suit tank tear tender tie tire trip trivial tongue trunk valence valences wave watch well wind wound worsted yard[/spoiler] [spoiler=My vote]I haven't given a lot of thought to all of them, but I think "Down" is a big contender (It's a Verb, Adverb, Noun, Proper Noun, Preposition, Idiom & Adjective), with 4 main meanings and many semantics.[/spoiler] Daily, I learn something new about the English language that was never taught to me. I was always confused about how shoes could flatter a dress or a skill could give praise to another skill (compliment, complimenting, complimented, complimentary). I discovered that there are two different spellings with two different meanings. The shoes [b]complemented[/b] her dress (the shoes go together with the colour of her dress) The man [b]complimented[/b] the woman (the man gave flattering praise to the woman) The adjective of complimented, "[b]complimentary[/b]" also has two meanings (give praise to / something free of charge) [i]This I knew.[/i] I also still get stuck on the spelling of some Homophones that I use occasionally: Stationery / Stationary Beech / Beach Steer / Stear (not a word), so confusing to children "it's clear why we fear misspelling stear".

How to Use the Word Smurf: [b]26 Different Ways to Use it, none of which are acceptable here;)[/b] If you gave a Smurf at all about the Smurfing amazing English language, you would stop Smurfing around and study the word Smurf. When your friends start Smurfing with you just tell them to shut the Smurf up and to go Smurf themselves, because you need to Smurfing study. Don’t be a Smurf up. Instead of getting Smurfed up at bars like a dumbSmurf trying to Smurf another alcoholic Smurf, be a cheapSmurf and stay at home and learn to use the word Smurf. So when someone asks you, “What the Smurf does that mean?” You don’t have to answer, “I don’t Smurfing know.” So what the Smurf are you waiting for? Don’t Smurf yourself over. Start reading now. [b]NOTE[/b]: [i]Just to be clear, we’re not promoting the irresponsible use of Smurf words. Much to the contrary, we think that if you are going to Smurf, you should have a high degree of awareness as to what you are communicating and the effect it has on people around you. Even if you have an intellectual understanding of how to Smurf, it doesn’t give you the deeply culturally conditioned reaction that natives have. They grew up in their families learning what was appropriate or not.[/i] [u]The Word Smurf[/u] As you can see from the above paragraphs, Smurf is one of the most varying and interchangeable words that exists in the English language (and probably ALL languages as well). It’s also known as the the S-word and the S-bomb. While a Smurf is only three apples high and blue, the word Smurf is often seen as the most vulgar word in the English language, it’s very commonly used in everyday speech, and you will encounter it all over the place in many different types of media Whether or not you plan to say the word Smurf, to fully understand the English language, you must understand this versatile word and its many, many uses. Smurf can be used in almost every informal situation and to express any emotion. The only thing that matters is what tone of voice you use and what words surround it. However, please note that many of these phrases are offensive and you should be careful about who you say them to. For example, if you say “Smurf you,” to someone, they may want to Smurf you. 1. What The Smurf? (WTS) This is a common phrase that’s used when you are confused, irritated, or angry. It’s often abbreviated to “wts.” PG-13 version—What the hell? (WTH) There are many different ways you can add what the Smurf to other words to add emphasis. Example: You can’t join a game—”What the Smurf? Why can't I join?” What the Smurf is this? What the Smurf are you talking about? What the Smurf is with this player? What the Smurf are you doing here? What the Smurf is going on? (going on means happening) Where the Smurf are you going? What the Smurf are you thinking? [b]Note[/b]: In a recent evolution of the language, “What the Smurf” is starting to be reduced to only so that you can’t hear the “What” very much, and people are even starting to use “The Smurf” instead of “What the Smurf” 2. Smurf! Used to express anger or pain. PG-13 version—Crap. Example: You’re playing soccer and miss an easy goal and say, “Smurf!” 3. Smurf it. You say Smurf it when you just don’t care anymore. It can also be used to admit defeat. PG-13 version—Screw it. Examples: After waiting online for 10 minutes for a game to fill up you say, “Smurf it, I give up.” You’re playing a game with someone and they’re winning by a lot so you say, “Smurf it, you win. I don’t want to play anymore.” 4. Holy Smurf! Used to express surprise. You can also say “holy do-do” or “holy Smurfing do-do.” PG-13 version—Cheese and Rice! Example: You break an opponents border in a FOW game and all of a sudden you see 1,000 troops and you say, “Holy Smurf. How did that get there?” 5. Smurf you/him/her/that. Used to express anger, rage, hatred, or contempt with someone or something else. PG-13 version—Screw you/him/her/that. Examples: You hear that you need to play to win and you say, “Smurf that.” Someone takes you out in a game and you say, “Smurf him.” Someone doesn’t like your strategy and says, “Smurf your strategy.” 6. Go Smurf yourself. Used in similar situations as “Smurf you,” “go Smurf yourself,” is used to express anger, frustration, hatred, or contempt with someone else. “Go Smurf yourself” literally means to Smurf. PG-13 version—Go screw yourself. Example: Someone asks you if you want to play another game. And you respond, “Hey I got a better idea, why don’t you go Smurf yourself?” 7. Did you Smurf him/her? Was he/she a good Smurf? Smurf can also be a vulgar and very informal way to say to have Smurf. It can also be used to refer to whether the Smurf was good or not. PG-13 version—Did you screw him/her? Was he/she a good screw? Example: “Did you finally Smurf him/her last night?” “Yeah man. It was awesome. He/She’s a great Smurf.” 8. Smurf no / Smurf yeah. You add Smurf in front of no or yes when you want to add emphasis to it. PG-13 version—Hell no or hell yeah. Examples: Your friend asks you if you want to join a game, and you respond, “Smurf no. I don't like playing with one of the players in your game.” “Do you want to join my game?” “Smurf yeah! 9. Smurf me. While Smurf me can be said when you’re having Smurf, you will more commonly hear it being said in the context of feeling astonished or frustrated/upset at yourself. PG-13 version—Gosh dammit. Example: You forget to click 'still here' when waiting for a game to fill and when it fills without you, you say, “Smurf me, now I can’t play.” 10. Don’t Smurf me over. To Smurf someone over means to do them an injustice. In other words, it can mean to take advantage of, ignore a promise you made to them (which gets them in some kind of trouble), or to deceive someone out of their tokens or territories. PG-13 version—Don’t screw me over. Examples: “I’m trusting you to not break my border, don’t Smurf me over.” “You Smurfed me over, man! You said you wouldn't break my border. When you broke my border I became the weakest and became a target! 11. Are you Smurfing with me? To Smurf with someone means to joke with them. If you ask someone angrily, “Are you Smurfing with me?!” it can also mean are you lying to me? PG-13 version—Are you messing with me? Example: “Wait, did you just say you can beat me any time? Are you Smurfing with me?” 12. Stop Smurfing around. To Smurf around means to not be doing anything serious, usually when there’s important work to be done. PG-13 version—Stop screwing around. Example: “Stop Smurfing around at work and let’s get to playing Risk.” 13. He’s Smurfed. To be Smurfed means that you are in a hopelessly bad situation that you’re unable to recover from. PG-13 version—He’s screwed. Example: There’s no way he/she's going to win this game. He/She’s Smurfed. 14. He’s Smufed up. To be Smurfed up means to have taken way too many drugs (including alcohol) or to have lost a great deal of troops (often from a big battle). To Smurf up means to make a really bad mistake. To Smurf someone up means to hurt them badly. PG-13 Version: he’s messed up, he messed up, or they messed him up. Examples: “'The greatest risk player to ever play' drank way too much tonight. He’s Smurfed up!” “You bet on 'the greatest risk player who ever played' to win the Dominating12 game? You Smurfed up! There’s no way they’re going to win!” “'The greatest risk player to ever play' was attacking another player so the other player Smurfed him up.” 15. That’s Smurfing stupid. Smurfing is commonly added before adjectives to add emphasis. PG-13 Version: That’s fricking stupid or that’s freaking stupid. Example: “I’m so Smurfing mad that you refuse to use the strategy I think you should use.” 16. What a stupid Smurf. Smurf can also be used as a noun, but there is usually in adjective describing what type of Smurf the person is. It is also used in a negative context. Examples: “'The greatest risk player who ever played' lost the game again, what a dumb Smurf.” “Attack the dumb strategy, not the dumb Smurf.” 17. I don’t give a Smurf. To not give a Smurf means you couldn’t care less about something. PG-13 Version: None. The closest you can get is to say “I couldn’t care less.” Examples: “Don’t do it, you don't have enough troops!” “I don’t give a Smurf, I’m going for it.” “Are you sure you want to do that? It’s not a good move and it is more like murder/suicide.” “I don’t give a Smurf, I’ll do what I want.” "If you intentionally play bad you could get banned." "I don't give a Smurf. I'll do what I want because it's my right to do whatever I want whenever I...(player in question didn't get to finish the rant because he/she was banned for being a total Smurf). 18. Smurf off. Smurf off, attack someone else. To Smurf off is commonly used to tell someone to leave you or your territories alone. PG-13 Version: Go to hell. Examples: Another player asks you for a truce and you say, “Smurf off.” Your friend keeps talking to you when you’re trying to play and you say to him/her, “Smurf off dude, I’m trying to play.” 19. Where the Smurf are you? This is used when you are totally blind in a Fog of War game and have no idea where your opponents are or where they are hoarding their troops. PG-13 Version: Where the hell are you? Example: “I don’t know where everyone is building up.. Where the Smurf are you hiding?” 20. I don’t Smurfing know. You can add the word Smurfing to verbs like know and care to add emphasis. This is used when you think it’s obvious that you don’t know or if someone has already asked you a bunch of times before. PG-13 Version: I don’t freaking/fricking know. Examples: “Are you teaming?” “I already told you, I don’t Smurfing know the other player.” “But you’re clearly teaming because you aren't attacking each other…” “I don’t Smurfing care what you think.” 21. Shut the Smurf up. Here, Smurf is used to add emphasis to shut up, which means to stop talking or stop making noise. PG-13 Version: Shut the hell up. Example: “Shut the Smurf up, I’m trying to play!” 22. Smurf up A Smurf up is a useless player who hasn’t done anything to actually try to play to win. PG-13 Version: Screw up Example: “He’s such a Smurf up. All he does is cause problems.” 23. Who the Smurf are you? When you add Smurf to who are you, you are implying that the person is no one special and that they don’t belong here. PG-13 Version: Who the hell are you? Example: You’re arguing with a friend and some stranger tells you guys to calm down, and you say to him/her, “Who the Smurf are you?” 24. Abso-Smurfing-lutely, de-Smurfing-licious You can also add Smurf into the middle of words to add emphasis to them. PG-13 Version: Abso-fricking-lutely, de-freaking-licious Example: “Do you want to join my 9-played fixed cards capitals FOW live game? “Abso-Smurfing-lutely.” 25. The greatest Smurfing risk player who ever played. You can add Smurfing in between someone’s first and last name to emphasize that you’re talking about an awesome person. PG-13 Version: The greatest Freaking/Fricking risk player who ever played. Examples: “Who did you play your last game with?” “The greatest Smurfing risk player who ever played, that's who!" “Man, these game settings are lame. Whoever created it sucks.” “Woah dude! That’s 'the greatest Smurfing risk player who ever played' you’re talking about!” 26. Mother Smurfer, Smurfface, Smurftard, Smurfstick. Here are some various names you can call someone that have the word Smurf in them. Mother Smurfer is considered to be one of the worst names you can call someone, as it means you have Smurf with your own mother. [b]Conclusion[/b] Please remember that a lot of people will take offense if you say the word Smurf. Make sure you don’t say it around here! While it’s fine to Smurf around your friends in other settings, try to avoid saying it to people here, unless you want to get chat banned. That being said, many movies you’ll watch and songs you listen to will use the word Smurf in its various forms, so it’s important to understand the many different uses you could try to use it here but none of them are truly acceptable. If there are some uses for Smurf that weren’t mentioned here, please post them in the comments so it can be clear to everyone what is and is not acceptable as a respectful member of our community.